you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
