just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
