I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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