he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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