it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
