come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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