I'm so fucking centered right now
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
