i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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