He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
