Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
