Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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