idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
