U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
