i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
