dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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