I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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