The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
