What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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