I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My vagina is officially offended.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
