HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
