You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
