just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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