I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
