I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
