This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
