i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
