I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
