I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
