Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
