so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
