I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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