So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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