I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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