The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
