Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
