he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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