I just saw a hot homeless man
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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