dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
