Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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