legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
