people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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