you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
