I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
