I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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