just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
