I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
