The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We have started to decorate penises.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
