Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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