I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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