Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
