I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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