Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
