bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
thus making me awesome and them whores
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
