We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
