from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
