Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
