Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
